


Macaques and Microwave Popcorn

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, Episode: s17 e06 Maternal Instincts, Friendship, Gen, Spoilers, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“6383 miles; that’s the distance between Tashkent and New York City.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Macaques and Microwave Popcorn

**Author's Note:**

> These two came to my mind immediately after watching this episode. I’m not a shipper but I think Amanda needs friends who always have her back no matter what more than anything. I think Declan is one of those people. Their baby joins them for life but that might not be the only thing that does.

“ _This is the second ridiculously long message I'm leaving you and all hell has broken loose, which you know from the first message, but it gets better. She's selling me up the river. She and her lawyer, who are fucking…didn’t I tell you that was going to happen...are selling me right up the river. He actually went to the ADA and says all these bad things about me and it’s like how could Kim possibly be alright when her sister is such a mess? I mean what the hell kind of argument for osmosis is that?_

“ _Kim thinks she can beat a manslaughter charge, theft, sexual misconduct, larceny; she thinks she can do less than a year. I don’t know who's more delusional, her or me. You know what, it’s me. It has to be me. The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and believing there will be a different outcome. And my blood pressure was through the roof._

“ _My doctor is threatening me with being released from work until after the baby comes. My mother left me. She's gone back to Georgia only to return in support of her loving daughter, you know the one who set me up for murder. This thing is going to beep on me in a minute; it should’ve beeped already. I'm sorry. Please be safe, wherever you are. You're in our thoughts, OK? Bye_.”

There wasn’t a thing on TV and that was ridiculous. It was just after two in the morning, old reruns of something should be playing. Amanda sighed, petting her dog with one hand and flipping channels with the other. She wasn’t watching Investigation Discovery, she dealt with that all day at work. Real Housewives of whatever the hell city they're in wasn’t entertaining either. 

70s supermodels were hocking beauty cream and 70s bands were hocking CD boxed sets. National Geographic was doing a documentary on macaques in Southeast Asia while The Science Channel compared technology of the 21st century to the original _Star Trek_. She should probably just give up and go to bed. Why do that though when she could microwave some extra buttery popcorn and wonder how the fuck her life got so beyond her control?

She was coming back from the kitchen with a full bowl of popcorn and a glass of cranberry apple juice when her phone started buzzing. Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed, told Frannie to not even think about stuffing herself on kernels, and looked at the phone on her nightstand. It was an unknown international number. It was him. 

Should she answer? Those messages she left him had been a combination of mania and resignation. He was probably worried. Pretending to be asleep now would be in bad taste. Just because Amanda would rather pretend that he wasn’t the person she wanted most to talk to didn’t mean that he wasn’t.

“Hello.”

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Where are you?” she countered. “What time is it?”

“It’s nearly noon in Tashkent.”

“You're in Uzbekistan? What the hell are you doing in Uzbekistan?”

“Work.”

“Jesus, Declan.”

“It sounds like Manhattan is more of an adventure at the moment.” He said. “Is your sister in jail?”

“She's at Riker’s pending trial. I don’t feel good about that…but I feel so good about that. That makes me feel horrible.”

“You’ve covered for her your entire life, darling. It’s time to stop. It’s time to let Kim see the consequences of her actions. You can tell me that you know and that you will but I bet you tried to protect her this time too. Liv handed you your ass, didn’t she?”

“I got off with a warning. It probably should’ve been worse.”

“Tell me how your blood pressure is.”

“It’s fine now. The baby is fine, I'm fine, but my doctor wants me out of stressful situations. She was talking and it just devolved into that weird Charlie Brown speak because my entire life is a stressful situation.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Declan said.

“Let's just pretend for a second that it doesn’t. Let’s just pretend that Amanda Rollins has a sweet and stress free life. She has a dog and a decent size apartment for the money. She has a job that can cause issues but the people there care about her and have her back. She gets eight hours of sleep a night and remembers to floss daily…”

“I bet you're coming up on a point.” his tone was playful.

“You're 4000 miles away, Declan. You know what, let's do the real math…hold on.” Amanda pulled up Google on her phone and started pressing a bunch of buttons. She picked a website and pressed some more. Then she closed out the web and got back on the phone. “6383 miles; that’s the distance between Tashkent and New York City.”

“Are you saying that you want me to come home?”

“I don’t know what the hell I'm saying. My family has abandoned me and I'm not even surprised. Why do I keep wanting something that’s never going to happen?”

“It’s natural for everyone to want a place in this world, darling. We spend our entire lives looking for that spot where we fit.”

“So yours is as international crime fighter?”

“I'm just a good guy who's really good at playing a bad guy.” Declan said.

“Do you think about us?” Amanda didn’t want to ask. She didn’t even know why she wanted to know so badly. What if he didn’t? What if he did?

“Everyday. You gotta be close now, probably the size of a Wobble or whatever those little round toys are called.”

“Weebles?”

“Yes, I bet you look like an adorable Weeble.”

“I can't see my feet if that’s what you're implying.” Amanda smirked. “They’ve been gone for a couple of months now.”

“I think about how excited you must be when you feel the baby kick.” Declan said. “I think about you going through those baby books, hundreds of pages of names and meanings. I think about you craving weird things like fried pickles or hummus with brie.”

“I'm eating microwave popcorn.” She said.

“There's a life inside of you. You’ve got your family right there. I know I can't always be there, and I wish that was different, but you got me too Amanda.”

“I don’t want to feel like I'm pulling you away from something. I don’t want to feel like I have to beg people to be with me.”

“No begging…just say the word. And I'm not talking about telling me that you love me or you need me, just tell me that you want me there.”

“Shouldn’t you just want to be here?” she asked.

“I don’t want to step on your toes. I'm trying to keep up with your signals but that ain’t easy. You are…”

“Shut up.”

“Would you let me finish?” he asked.

“No, because you're just going to say something that might come out a little harsh but be right and I don’t want to hear it.”

“At least you're honest.”

“Could you come home?” she asked. “For a little while.”

“I could get a flight to Reykjavik in two hours. From Reykjavik I could get to New York in another 6 hours. So yeah, I can be home in a half a day. If you don’t mind my sleeping for the first day I can stay a week.”

“And it won't affect your work?”

“Here’s the best part about playing the supervillain…when I disappear for a little while people get nervous. You’d be surprised how fast the shit can go down when I get back. I whisper in one or two ears that I got business to attend to in Bucharest that can't wait and my guy here thinks he's gonna lose out on a big score. Bad guys start coming out of the woodwork. I wanna see you. I wanna see my kid.”

“She's not here yet.” Amanda said. She was smiling.

“I can still see her. It’s gonna be OK, Amanda. It might be hard as hell but it’s still gonna be OK. No matter what or where, I have your back. As long as you and the kid need me then I'm here.”

“We got a really nice haul from the baby shower. Some assembly required though.”

“And now the real reason you want me home emerges.” Declan laughed.

“Have you even put together a crib before?” she asked.

“Once, but I'm not gonna tell you that story because I don’t wanna scare you. The kid’s fine, Scouts honor.”

“Sometimes I don’t know if you're telling me the truth or pulling my leg.”

“The truth.” He said. “Always.”

“OK.”

“Well I'm gonna make some plans and I’ll see you soon. Just breathe and we’ll work it all out.”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“And if your sister or your mother call, don’t answer.” Declan said. “Let it go for tonight. Eat your popcorn and relax with your dog.”

“When you get to town you can just stay with me. You don’t have to get a hotel, if you don’t want to. That’s a lot of money and I know you're not rich.”

“I appreciate it. Hang up the phone and I’ll see you soon.”

“Be safe.” Amanda had so many things she wanted to say but that was a good way to end the call. 

They would be together in a day, she could pour it all out then. Did the poor man know what he was getting himself into? This was the longest weekend romp of Declan Murphy’s life. He knew she had baggage as he was a pretty receptive guy. If only he knew.

“You got it. Goodnight.”

She hung up and leaned back on her pillows. Frannie came to cuddle and that was nice. Bowl of popcorn resting on her ever-expanding abdomen, Amanda settled in with the Southeast Asia macaques. She didn’t know how much longer she’d be awake. Just talking to Declan made her feel better. 

There weren't many people she could be flat out honest with, flaws be damn. It was hard to say many of the things she felt inside. For years Amanda would just run but it always caught up with her; always tripped her up. Running right now was improbable as she couldn’t even see her feet. 

This time she was going to have to stay and fix it. This was about something even more important than herself. Amanda was bringing a child into the world. Kids had enough to deal with, this extra mess was just weight around both of their necks. The time had come to cast it aside and move on.

***


End file.
